


diagnostic groupchat

by knightnox



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Multi, Polyamory, Texting, reclaimed slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:07:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26450866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knightnox/pseuds/knightnox
Summary: taub: I hate you.ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): >:)
Relationships: Eric Foreman/Lawrence Kutner/Chris Taub, Greg House/James Wilson, Lawrence Kutner/Chris Taub, Remy "Thirteen" Hadley/Amber Volakis
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

taub: Guys, I need a little help here…

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): whats up

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): ainsoidaslkqdwd/,./,./

  
taub: I hate you.

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): >:)

  
taub: Why would you change your name to that, you didn't even... you know what, never mind. Foreman and I are going out tonight, what should i wear?

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): damn, cheating already :/

  
taub: I'm not!

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): we’re poly :D

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): also he's just mad i've been playing smash all week >:p

  
taub: You wake me up at 2 am with your yelling and i’m the bad guy?

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): yes

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): yes

taub: _sigh_

dr. f*g: everyone's dating but me. :/

ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): aren't you married to wilson

CABINET MAN (kutner): dasiodnwqdqompoqdmpwdq

dr. f*g: he's mad at me.

  
Wilson: You dumped your coffee in my shoes because I suggested we listen to the Hamilton soundtrack!

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): oop

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): DIQDHU12021IJD2JD2SADS

  
taub: What the hell even is that, Kutner?

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): its funny im laughing

  
dr. f*g: that's what you get for liking musicals, jimmy boy.

  
dr. f*g: wear a dress taub 😎  
dr. f*g: wait. you fucked taub's wife 13?

  
taub: No! They didn't!

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): i wish lmao she's pretty  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): it's an inside joke :)

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): i pissed on her shes mine

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): what else do you do on a saturday night

  
taub: I hate both of you, so much.

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): you look cute in the tux!!! wear that

  
irl my melody: Don't lie to him like that, Kutner.

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): hi amber!!! :D

  
irl my melody: Hello.

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): hey hot stuff 🥴

  
irl my melody: -__-

  
dr. f*g: lesbians? I'm outta here.

  
irl my melody: Shut the fuck up, Greg.

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): 👁👄👁

  
ceo of fucked taub's wife (13): damn

  
**13 changed their nickname to “irl kuromi (13)”**

  
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Guys, this chat is for diagnostic purposes.

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): we don't have a case rn :(

  
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Did House make his name a slur?!  
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Giving him a group chat was a mistake…

  
irl kuromi (13): at least he censored it

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): it wouldn’t let him put the real thing XD

  
taub: You guys were no help at all, thanks.

  
irl kuromi (13): yw :)

  
CABINET MAN (kutner): i think you look cute in anything ❤

  
taub: ...❤

  
irl kuromi (13): aww

  
dr. f*g: ew gay people


	2. Chapter 2

certified freak (13): @everyone calling all fem aligned ppl 

7 days a week ( amber 💕 ): What.

Masters 🌺: yes? :)

bertie wooster lookin ass (house): WHO CHANGED MY NAME AGAIN?????

certified freak (13): lmao

7 days a week ( amber 💕 ): Did you actually need something, Remy? 

certified freak (13): maybe :)

pit kinnie (kutner): 👁

taub: 13 stop abusing the ping. 

certified freak (13): shut up smelly

Foreman: 13.

certified freak (13): ok 

Masters 🌺: Taub isn't that smelly. :(  
Masters 🌺: maybe a little

taub: Thanks…

pit kinnie (kutner): you eat mayonnaise sandwiches 

taub: It's an acquired taste…

7 days a week ( amber 💕 ): Disgusting.

pit kinnie (kutner): * shakes taub like a lil gay baby *

certified freak (13): he is a gay baby haha

taub: I'm older than both of you.

certified freak (13): then why are u 2 inches tall >:)

taub: …

pit kinnie (kutner): taub be like how to deal with workplace bullying

certified freak (13): hahaha

7 days a week (amber 💕): He likes it.

pit kinnie (kutner): yeah 😳

taub: Shut up!

dick sucker (house): you like being bullied huh.

Masters 🌺: Can we stop talking about Taubs weird kink. :( 

pit kinnie (kutner): i can confirm its true kskskddkdjskkask

taub: …

Foreman: It is.

certified freak (13): FOREMAN?????

Masters 🌺: Wow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by snapcube

taub: jm gona make an announcement kutners a bicth ass motherfucker he pised on my fcucking wife

froggers (kutner): KSOSFDJNDKSAOSK?????

taub: heb took hs fukcin dick out and pissdf on my fuckin g wife

taub: and he said hes dick was tbis big i saidthats diagusting

taub: sp im callijg him out jutner you got a small dick

crisexual (13): who let taub into the wine cabinet again smh

taub: its the sizeof a curette but way smaller

taub: herrres what my dong loosk like

**[ one blocked image ]**

froggers (kutner): TAUB NO

crisexual (13): omg hahaha

taub: yeah,nn

taub: all natueal ;))!

crisexual (13): kutner collect your boyfriend please

my melody but punk: Can I sue taub for the eye trauma I just experienced?

taub: hepissrd on my wife so im gonna pis on the hosoital

taub: you hear tht cudddy im pissjng on the hospital!!!!!! idiiot  


froggers (kutner): chris where are you ndkdkg

taub: roof

froggers (kutner): ok im coming please get off discord

taub: cum

#1 motley crue fan (house): dammit i missed taubs dick >:(

my melody but punk: **@ james wilson** ban taub 💕  
  


froggers (kutner): i see the piss puddle help

crisexual (13): oh shit hes actually drunk haha


End file.
